THE LAND BEFORE RVs. A Tale of Biblical Proportions

BY BILL PAQUIN

As with the comedic style of Bill Cosby and Bob Newhart the following contemporary rendering of a traditional religious story is meant to inform and entertain and as such is not a statement for or against such beliefs, nor is it’s contents meant in any way to offend readers who believe or do not believe in such legendary characters, Religious Deities and historical events that may be depicted herein..
The Publisher………..

“ In the beginning there was Darkness”.
Then God said “Let there be light.” Or, for the more agnostic-minded Darwinian thinkers, the Big Bang. For the sake of poetic flow, I opt for the more metaphorical or is it allegorical (I can never keep those two straight) Style here.

Then there was light and the Creator said, “Let there be planets, the world, etc.” And the Creator moved His/Her hand across the face of the water and there was land. After a few days of this the Creator decided it best to have a local population, so all manner of creatures were materialized. On the sixth day the Creator figured there better be someone to keep track of this new world thing and so came man and, of course, woman. This man and woman lived in a Paradise called Eden (Isn’t that located somewhere between Trenton and Bar Harbor). This lasted for about two weeks when due to unfortunate circumstances they fell from God’s Grace and had to make it on their own. Apparently God was always right there, but the two pretty much forgot about God, and with lots of begetting and begotting, populated the then known planet earth.

Fast-forward several thousand years. According to biblical accounts, mankind had totally forgotten God. The high and mighty, the  leaders the so called righteous were mostly corrupt.

There were all kinds of problems. Lots of bad behavior. Regular folks just coped and did not give much of a care for anyone or anything but themselves. Sort of like every other time including today’s world. God said, “I’ve had it. This experiment has gone way wrong.

You guys are toast!!!.” Guess God had less patience and higher expectations for His people in those days.
There was one man and family that God did feel was worth saving.

Noah and Clan.

One day God said, “Hey, Noah.”

Guess God and Noah were on regular speaking terms.

“Noah, I’ve decided to do away with mankind. I want you and your family to re-populate the world once I have swept away all transgressors. Noah, I need you to build Me an ark.

Noah said, “Sure God, no problem. Ah, God, what’s an ark?” ( thank you Bill Cosby and Bob Newhart )
God said, “It’s – you know – a boat.”oah still had no idea.

God said, “You know, it’s made out of timbers and wood and it floats.”

Noah said, “Ok, God please keep going.”

God said, “Ok, you know how I created the world and everything and everyone.”

“Right,” Noah said, “Sure bet, God.”

Okay, Noah, then I am going to do that same thing again, but this time you and your family are going to help me do it.”

“Sure thing, God, but God I still don’t know what an ark is.”

“Stay with me, Noah. You’ll get it. Noah “I am going to re-create this whole world. I need a vehicle. Something I can gather all my many creatures into (two of a kind of course) and you and your family. It is like a house that can be moved from place to place. It will start out on dry land, float on the vast flood waters, for a while, then come to rest on dry land again.”

Noah said, “Woah! Hold on, God, what’s this about a flood?”

God said, “Oh, did I forget to tell you that part? Yes, I am going to make it rain very hard for 40 days and 40 nights and that will cause a great flood and all will perish except for you, your family, and two of each of all of my creatures.”

Noah said, “That’s really heavy, man. Oh, sorry, God.”

God said, “No problem, just do as you’re instructed and you will eventually know what an ark is.” God said, “Build my ark 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high.” (Sorry Bible scholars if cubit dimensions are not correct).

Noah said, “Yes, yes. Ah, God, what’s a cubit?”

God said, “Noah, a cubit is a unit of measurement. I'm making this up right now. So hold on. Yes, you see Jim over there, you second daughter's husband?"

Noah said, "Sure."

"Okay, go get him."

plus Jim lay your left hand in front of your right arm and hand. Ok, the distance from the tip of Jim’s elbow to the tip of his hand plus his other hand. God says, "no, no, no, get rid of the other hand. Okay, Jim's elbow to the tip of his middle finger, that's a cubit.” (True incremental fact )

In today’s world, that would be (for an average man’s arm and hand) about 18 to 20 inches.
Noah and Jim say, “Cool.”

God says, “Ok, guys, now you got it. So Noah all you need is to have Jim give you his arm and hand whenever you need to measure something.”

Work proceeded on schedule. Every time Noah needed to make a measurement, he said, “Hey Jim, give me your arm and hand. This got shortened to... have you guessed yet? “Hey Jim, get over here and give me a hand!”

By this time the neighbors are getting quite ticked off at Noah for parking his ark next door since he had been working on it for 120 years..

“Hey, Noah, what’s the matter with you? That thing of yours is huge and it blocks our view. Can’t you find a better place to park that monstrosity? What is that thing, anyways?”

Noah says, “Its an ark. It belongs to God, and He is going to re-create the world with this vehicle. God told me to do this, maybe you guys better build one too.”

The neighbors say, “What for?!

Noah says, “Well, if you don’t want to perish in the storm of the millennium, I’d get real busy soon building one.”  

The neighbors chuckle and say you gotta be kidding, who in their right mind would ever build such a dumb thing and try to live in it? That’s why there are houses. Houses don’t need to move. They're supposed to stay put. Yea and they keep the rain out too!

(Huge Laughter)

(I digress here), In modern times this might be the scenario.

About this time a neighbor Mary pulls Noah aside. Mary is the local psychiatrist and says, “Noah , Noah,  Noah. I thought we had all this hearing God’s voice cleared up. Have you stopped taking your meds again?”   Noah says, “I tried the meds, but they make me too tired and I’ll have no energy and my libido, Well, I am 350 years old, but I still have to repopulate the earth once this whole flood thing is finished. Not to mention the cost OY VEY! Those things are expensive and with the new government changes in Medi Care who knows what’s the best plan to be on”.

Luckily for mankind, though (in the case of Noah’s at least), Psychiatry wouldn’t come into practice for fifteen thousand years or so. Otherwise things might have turned out real bad for all human and animal residents in the flood zone.

About this time the neighbors piped back In. “Hey, Noah, next time you talk to God (Laughter) tell Him that the neighbors want Him to move his ark. What was that other name you called that monstrosity, a re-creation vehicle? Move it someplace else! Don’t they have places for these things, a special place to park?” The neighbors all agree “Yea, a special parking place call it a re-creational vehicle park”. They all have a good laugh at Noah’s expense, totally unaware of their pending doom.

The Moral of this story might be, He who lives longest, laughs best!

Since the ark was not finished yet and could not be moved (wheels wouldn’t be invented for another 10,000. years or so), it stayed where it was, but Noah gave some thought to the future, for where the re-creation vehicle would finally end up and so the beginning of the concept of an R. V. park started to emerge………

Fast forward to today’s world. Though the original meaning of re-creation has been replaced with recreational, the two meanings are still comparatively similar.

In this mobile society we find ourselves in today, opportunity for Migratory, adventurous, independent, free-thinking folks has been epitomized in the modern revolution of R.V. travel.“Ok, now, Noah and Jim. Jim lay your right arm flat down on that plank over there. Now the distance from Jim’s right elbow to the tips of his fingers, let’s see, plus Jim lay your left hand in front of your right arm and hand. Ok, the distance from the tip of Jim’s elbow to the tip of his hand plus his other hand. That’s a cubit.” (True incremental fact )

In today’s world that would be (for an average man’s arm hand and hand) about 24 inches Noah and Jim say, “Cool.”

God says “Ok, guys, now you got it. So Noah all you need is to have Jim give you his arm and hand and the other hand whenever you need to measure something.”

Work proceeded on schedule. Every time Noah needed to make a measurement he said, “Hey Jim, give me your arm and hand and hand.

This got shortened to, “Hey Jim, come over here and give me an arm and a hand, and of course that got shortened. Have you guessed yet?

“Hey Jim, get over here, and give us a hand.”

About this time, the neighbors are getting a little bit ticked off at Noah for parking this huge box-like thing right next door.

“Hey, Noah, what’s the matter with you? That thing of yours is huge and it blocks our view. Can’t you find a better place to park that thing? What is that thing, anyway?”

Noah says, “Its an ark. It belongs to God and he is going to re-create the world with this vehicle. God told me to do this, maybe you guys better build one too. ”

The neighbors say, “What for?!

Noah says “well if you don’t want to perish in the storm of the millennium I’d get real busy soon, building one”.  

The neighbors chuckle and say you gotta be kidding, who in their right mind would ever build such a dumb thing and try to live in it? That’s why there are houses. Houses don’t need to move. They're supposed to stay put. Yea and they keep the rain out too!

(Huge Laughter)

(I digress here), In modern times this might be the scenario.

About this time a neighbor Mary pulls Noah aside. Mary is the local psychiatrist and says, “Noah , Noah,  Noah. I thought we had all this hearing God’s voice cleared up. Have you stopped taking your meds again?”                    
Noah says, “I tried the meds, but they make me too tired and I’ll have no energy and my libido, Well, I am 350 years old, but I still have to repopulate the earth once this whole flood thing is finished. Not to mention the cost Uyvey (spelling). Those things are expensive and with the new government changes in Medi Care who knows what’s the best plan to be on”.

Luckily for mankind, though (in the case of Noah’s at least), Psychiatry wouldn’t come into practice for fifteen thousand years or so. Otherwise things might have turned out real bad for all human and animal residents in the flood zone.

About this time the neighbors piped back In. “Hey, Noah, next time you talk to God (Laughter) tell Him that the neighbors want Him to move his ark. What was that other name you called that monstrosity, a re-creation vehicle? Move it someplace else! Don’t they have places for these things, a special place to park?” The neighbors all agree “Yea, a special parking place call it a re-creational vehicle park”. They all have a good laugh at Noah’s expense, totally unaware of their pending doom.

The Moral of this story might be, He who lives longest, laughs best!

Since the ark was not finished yet and could not be moved (wheels wouldn’t be invented for another 10,000. years or so), it stayed where it was, but Noah gave some thought to the future, for where the re-creation vehicle would finally end up and so the beginning of the concept of an R. V. park started to emerge………

Fast forward to today’s world. Though the original purpose of re-creation has been replaced with recreational, the two meanings are still comparatively similar.

In this mobile society we find ourselves in today, opportunity for Migratory, adventurous, independent, free thinking folks has been epitomized in the modern revolution of R.V. travel.

In a sense, it is a way of re-creating one’s day to day life into an adventure while still not giving up all the comforts of home. Noah’s original re-creational vehicle was not unlike today’s recreational vehicles in many ways. Technologically speaking, not as advanced for sure (and therefore much less complex) but, nonetheless, he had all the comforts of home (of his day) right there wherever the wind and water carried them. Caring for thousands of creatures aside, there must have been a sort of homey feeling and sense of security they felt.
Traditionally, it’s believed that the Creator, kept a close eye on the whole event and sort of was an added-insurance policy, that come Hell and High Water, Noah and family and cargo would have a good Re-creational Vehicle Experience.
Today’s modern RVs boast the best technology has to offer with truly all the comforts of home.
The recent movie hit RV Staring Robin Williams and Jeff Daniels is a fun flick that portraits life on the road in modern day society.
Being the owner of a 40 foot Monaco Dynasty Diesel pusher makes watching the movie all the more funny. I can’t imagine trying some of the stunts that Robin Williams (stunt double of course) pulls off. No sane RV or Motor Home owner would attempt these impossible feats, and yet the movie goes there, in fact, several times to be exact.
So as to not give away the plot and at the risk of sounding a bit cliché, one could say that this movie is about family and finding out what’s important in ones life. Rediscovering the wonder, mystery, and beauty all around us and stopping long enough to smell the roses. The RV is the vehicle that takes them there and as such, it is as much a family member as any of them.

Owning and RV or Motor Home is indeed a great experience. It is a challenge always waiting for us in our driveway. An outlet for the adventurer in all of us, a family experience, a retirement, and a way of life for many. Like with Noah his family and the very first Re-creational vehicle the Ark, one may never know where one may end up, so it’s best to have your home with you wherever that might be.

My daughters advised me that I’ve gone on far long enough and that I should stay away from any boring technical information in this first of three issues dealing with Rving and Motor homing here in Downeast Maine and elsewhere. So, I’m taking their advice and signing off for now.

We all as fellow RV and Motor Home owners swear by (and sometimes at) our prized possessions. Hope springs eternal and every year we head out to recreate our lives even if only for a week or two in one of mankind’s most awesome of all creations, the modern-day RV.

Thank you to the good folks at the Ellsworth Maine Coast Cinemas for their donation of the poster from the movie RV for the Captain D. Archives. Stop by and enjoy your favorite flick and tell them that Captain D. Sent you there.